Heart Aches - Poem by Biscuit Collection
Well, nothing’s changed. I’m still me. That’s a good thing, I guess. Permanence is one uncertainty that I should have to deal with for the rest of my life. And Love. Was it ever permanent? I shouldn’t say so. Coz if it was, then maybe things would somehow be different.
I never understood love either. What’s up with love anyway? We have to admit, It does make you do crazy things...you think about how fat you are or how thin you are… what you would wear to impress him…what you’d say when he talks to you…you think of him everyday, every second, every moment… darn this! And the saddest part of it is – it hurts people…not just yourself…and it hurts like no other.
People often say that love gives a happy feeling… that feeling to rise above the uncertainties that comes with it. But is love really capable of doing so? Happiness is yet another thing. Wouldn’t you think that hurting is too much of a price to pay? Well I guess in my case, I would have preferred to be hurt.
I remember when I was five. I knew exactly what I wanted to do and no questions asked about it. A whole day of playing would give me perfect happiness. And that was all there is to it. I wasn’t in love. And yes, I did cry when I got bruised but then again, they’re much more easier to mend than broken hearts, right?
True, I was five then. But what difference does it make? Most of the time I do act like one anyway and I still love cartoons. Sigh. I guess, that’s another thing I’ve got to learn to live with.
It has been said that for each life we choose to live there is another kind of life that we would eventually let go. As for me, should I be saying that I must have chosen the wrong life? What could I do to take back the other life then? Nothing, I guess. Second chances often don’t come handy do they? People would more often blow it just as the first one. Now how about third chances? Would it somehow make a difference? Maybe.
I spent half the time wondering what I could have done… what I would have given up just to have that third chance. But then again, above all the hopes and all the pretensions, I know. Giving up this new love and this new life would still not make the difference. I’d still not live that love and that life I lost.
If there’s one thing that I hate about love, this must be, well, be it. When it goes, it goes. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it from leaving. It has something to do with destiny I guess. Now destiny, we’re through about that. And just for the record, I still don’t understand it. Thinking doesn’t help in any way. It confuses me more.
Truth hurts. That’s another thing I have to learn to live with. No matter how hard I try to cover up, there’s no fooling myself. I know that behind all these daydreams, fantasies, should-have-beens and, might-have-beens, there is a reality. And I wouldn’t be too much of a fool not to realize that. I couldn’t hide from it anyway, no matter how hard I try. `Coz even if I close my eyes, I know, believe me, I would still see. I often wondered, is the truth really that scary or was it just one of the proofs of how vulnerable I had become?
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