Bri Edwards Personal Poems

For my poems, my friend Valsa George has a hunger.
She’s over fifty, but, compared to me, she is younger.
She suggested I write about ‘the advantages of being old’.
It’s a challenge, but, Valsa, on this idea you have sold......
...

I’m an American. So you know I KNOW about equality, right?
And I’m married. I strive for spousal equality with all my might!
Let me share with you how I help to keep my marriage EQUAL.
I’m so good at it that this is my 3rd marriage sequel.
...

Kanav Justa suggested I share my pizza with PoemHunter friends,
but I’ve found, when trying to send real pizza, my wife’s computer bends.
So you PoemHunter friends will have to settle for.... slices of my thoughts.
You’ll have to settle for “Poetic Pizza” Pieces my mind and pen have wrought.
...

Memory of Thanksgiving: Gravy with... mashed potatoes.
Sandwich of my Youth: Bacon and lettuce.... with tomatoes.
Jobs I've had: Nurses' aide, clerk, .... and truck driver.
Athletes I'll never be: Quarterback, boxer, and high diver.
...

Two days ago out our window in the morning
a unique event appeared to me without warning.
Among the trees, of our neighbor's southern slope,
I spied a large deer which I felt had little hope
...

It's nice to be wanted, at times, but please don't NEED me!
You may 'wine and dine' me, BUT don't ever PLEAD with me...
to be your friend, mentor, roommate, or spouse; DON'T grovel *!
I'll choose who I'll choose, and WHERE, be it in a palace or hovel *! !
...

Doc said: "Bri, your eye is diseased;
therefore it must ….soon come out."
I told her to do as she pleased.
"Ok, Doc, I won't cry or shout."
...

What do I have to look forward to the rest of my fine life?
It depends, to some degree at least, on my dear wife.
If she stays alive and somehow keeps on putting up with me,
I may live twenty more years (ten more than I 'should') . We'll see.
...

Don’t YOU just hate some people? Wouldn’t you like them gone?
Some human-types I do despise, though some people over them do fawn.

The first that comes to mind is the “no-hands” bicycle-rider.
...

As I lay face-up upon my bed, strange thoughts roared inside my head.
The ceiling light’s cover seemed like a pearl, causing my synapses to swiftly swirl.
Was I really in a house, pray tell? Or was I encased in a huge oyster shell?
Was I a man such as you might greet, or was I a great big hunk of oyster meat?
...

My fabled flight to the fabulous East …..
brought, to me, a delicious dessert feast.

At daughter's in-laws I had cran-apple pie.
...

[[I was reading aloud but my wife said “No more”;
no more because I’d admitted my throat was sore.
She filled a tiny glass and said “Gargle with Echinacea”;
and “Stay out of cold office, ...... though the computer might please ya.”
...

Are the poems included here the 'Very Best'?
I know of no way, such a theory, ever to test.
Some ‘works' you may like, some you may …..NOT.
Some I may enjoy immensely [they really 'hit the spot'].
...

As I lay face-up upon my bed, strange thoughts roared inside my head.
The ceiling light's cover seemed like a pearl, causing my synapses to swiftly swirl.
Was I really in a house, pray tell? Or was I encased in a huge oyster shell?
Was I a man such as you might greet, or was I a great big hunk of oyster meat?
...

Yes, I’m just TOO NICE, but I won’t “blow my own horn”.
It’s something that came naturally to me, ever since ……I was born.
Even BEFORE my birth, “niceness”, to me, did stick.
Why, not ONCE, when I was in the womb, did I, my mommy, kick!
...

You may not believe this story, but I assure you it is true.
Each week I volunteer at our library and one of the jobs I do ….
is to use Clorox wipes to sanitize the public computer section.
No germ is safe when I get going; NONE avoid detection.
...

'The Poem'

I PICK MY NOSE WITH A RAPIER. ***
I SMOOTH MY HAIR WITH MY TOOTHBRUSH.
...

[ A Poem-letter ]


My name is Brian and my only child, Shannon, I love.
...

I lay ‘pon our lonely bed, only the bed and me,
when s’ddenly I got the ‘rge (I tho’ght) to pee.
So ’p I got and off I went, thro’gh the bathroom door.
I sat down ‘pon the toilet, b’t peed two drops, no more.
...

I’m a man who likes marriage, though it doesn’t always like me.
I’m in my fourth (three divorces): may be my last; we’ll see.

Marriage is a tumble. Sometimes I stumble, may even have rumble.
...

Once a month I go to the library
to read to preschoolers.
Books and my voice are my tools,
not pencils and rulers.
...

I just grabbed a long-handled spoon.....
to scoop little pickles from a jar.
While looking at them swimming in jar's brine,
I had a thought I thought was bizarre.
...

My father had an ancestor in France....
who did clean-up after each beheading.
One gal's neck was too tough, and she lived.
Not long after was his and her wedding.
...

I suppose it’s been around for thousands of years:
‘inking’ pictures, designs, or words on skin...... from ankles to ears.
Hearts, and skulls, tigers, and snakes,
“MOM”, and swastikas........for goodness sakes!
...

My wives have pointed out each flaw I have,
not bothering to ease my hurt with salve.
They've said I'm mean and that I'm a bore.
They've stricken my heartstrings to the core.
...

As I was taking a shower today,
a story came to me,
about how I could become Spider Prey,
and nevermore be free.
...

A certain person, unknown,
has threatened to break bone....
or WORSE, if I do not 'admit'...
that I'm a fantasizing twit.
...

My Dove and I 'save a lot of time' by not having TV service at home,
but we have a TV and, as I sit staring at the big black screen, my mind through my life does roam.
Unlike my wife, who grew up without TV, I grew up sitting in front of a 'set'.
There happiness, laughter, guidance, new experiences, AND education I did get.
...

I had a peanut butter sandwich today
which made me think of all the way....
sssss my life has been touched by that
stick-to-your-mouth sludge of peanut fat.
...

Today is March 9th. Yes the NINTH! Do you hear?
Here's a record of last comment I've had. Oh dear!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
...

Wives 1 & 3 I made 'miserable', #2 made ME almost crazy.
Wife 4 calls me 'Monster', and, sometimes, she adds: 'lazy'.
Why then, when I proposed marriage, were each 'receptive'?
Along with my charm, good looks & virility I must be deceptive! ! !
...

To bring my marriage to a pleasant, successful end…
To be, for a few, a true and tolerable friend…
To help someone every day of my life…
To see a world (fat chance! !) without any strife…
...

My First Wife

My life with (female)spouses [with my present wife ……excluded], …..
will now be presented TO you [some LIES will be ……included].
...

I may have caused a great big mess.
If I knew for sure I did it, I would confess.
SOMEONE placed an open carton on its side.....
in refrigerator, and from the carton milk did slide.
...

I say let me not die without agility!
Give me pills or a knife while I've ability..
to administer the blessed coup de grace.
...

At times in my Earthly life I've contemplated MY suicide, ....but
never have I attempted it, NOR "threatened (to do)it". That aside....,
today as I rested myself in a soothing upholstered chair ["legs-up"],
I wondered what would happen if [At Death] I went "Down", not "Up".
...

I’m not a history buff at all, ……BUT I’ve heard some stories ……
about some of history’s most grievous moments, and some …..of its glories.
I’ll repeat several of the grievous moments for you now to hear.
Some of you may scoff at them, while some may shed a tear.
...

A strange thing I saw the other day;
I saw my dirty socks get up and walk away.
Yes! They, so dirty and oh so ripe, walked away By Themselves! !
But they were CUTE, as I held my nose, and......
...

My parents were both humans, so I am human too,
but I'd wish to be a bird, if I could be born anew.
Though I 'love' birds, you may think my wish absurd.
But more absurd wishes I'm sure you have heard.
...

Growing up I sometimes heard the idiom “hits the spot”,
meaning ‘refreshes the body’ or ‘uplifts the soul’......rather
than not.
It could be said of a hot cup of coffee on a cold winter’s night,
...

Kris, a clever Poet you are indeed,
when I planted the right seed...
in your mind to spur you on..
to write of spirits here and yon.
...

Part One: Kill Bri


I’ve suffered the indignity …. to be born [unasked],
...

ME:

'In the church of my Youth there was a 'Triune God':
God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost.
...

Post Card # 1: Sweet Susie

I know a gal whose name is Susie.
Despite all the rumors, she is no floozy.
...

While trying to come up with a topic for this,
I thought of a bikini top, ……missing from a Miss.
So …., imagine ‘Bri' in a coed high school swimming pool,
watching a few of the girls. Hell, I'm not a fool.
...

I had a stepson and I have a grandson, both of whom are 'autistic'.
[ My wife 'gave me' the poem's title. She's often quite unrealistic. ]

DO I have 'severe deficits in social interaction and communication'?
...

My dear wife has requested that I write this poem,
and though many may say 'you can't', I'll show ‘em!
I had my doubts about the task at first, I'll admit,
but to admit I can't rise to the challenge, I'll not submit.
...

Ruth, it's like eating a potato chip:
Just ONE is never, ever enough!
If, from a bad one, away.... I do slip,
I just order another; it's NOT so tough!
...

I beg her for forgiveness, for what I did (when she wasn’t lookin’) .
I beg her for forgiveness, or I won’t get, tonight, home cookin’.

I beg her for forgiveness, though my wrongs are ONLY.. in her mind.
...

The night was young, the wine was old,
inside was warm, outside was cold.
The dance was slow, and I was bold.
My heart beat fast. Her hair was gold.
...