Friday, November 18, 2011

A Runaway

Rating: 4.2
‘Is there a problem darling? ’
‘Just leave me alone mom! ’
She banged the door on her mom’s innocent blink
This was the home she wanted to run away from.

‘Look who’s here? ’
‘Oh! The Icky-Becky-Prickly-Stool! ’
She just wanted to run away. But where?
This was her nightmare, her school.

As the night fell, she ran away with a bag
Till she reached the station, she ran like stag
500km she came away from home
Now she really was alone.

She shared a house with an old woman
As a paying guest and got a job as packaging worker
Everyday she went to parties with a new man
Everyday she inched from her family further.

Realized she three years later
What a fool she was
Desire to go back was greater
As her parents must be sad, and she was the cause.

When she knocked, her father opened the door
‘Who are you? ’ he asked angrily
From sadness she fell on floor
But she was being treated fairly.

After he slammed the door shut
She went to their neighbor’s home
‘What are you doing here? ’ the neighbor burst
‘What is it with my dad, I was just thrown.’

‘So you don’t know? Your mother after you were gone
Died of shock and heart attack
Your dad was totally torn
Because love for family you lack.’

She sat down on the stairs
Her hand on her mouth is despair
She didn’t accept to be forgiven
For all the pain she had given.
Aditi Khandelwal
Kelly Kurt 13 April 2015
Well chosen as poem of the day. Peace
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Very touching poem, indeed! (10)
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Aman Arora 03 July 2014
A very difficult art to narrate a story in verse. You pulled it quite well. And brought the right emotions into your poetry.
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Dean Bottomley 14 April 2014
I might feel the emotion in your poem a lot more than some as I am 18 and have thoughts about running away from things I couldn’t handle and couldn’t change. it is a very powerful piece of writing, thank you
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Cat Hodgson 14 April 2014
good rhyming, She didn’t accept to be forgiven
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Michelle Claus 13 April 2014
Affecting poem. Looking over the first two stanzas, I'm curious as to why she wanted to run away from home and from school. Icky-Becky-Prickly-Stool spawns questions. Very raw writing, and provocative. How do you feel about the almost-rhymes? I have mixed feelings.
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Richard Blay 13 April 2014
Francis, I agree with you, nonetheless, the message is so great and realistic. Thanks
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Francie Lynch 13 April 2014
Very good. In need of serious editing. Then it will be extrremely good. A bit of the Beatles here too (She's leaving home) .
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Anil Kumar Panda 13 April 2014
Seems from a real life story.Liked the way it has been presented.
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ishant Bhurani 21 January 2014
Made me remember the song Nobody's home by Avril Lavigne.. Heart touching.. [/3
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