The Mother Made Woman First Poem by Jim McGill

In the beginning there was only chaos
A celestial upheaval of miss-info pod casts
And this wasn't liked by the Big Boss
So she snapped two fingers and asked
Would a light not brighten things up?
I'd see what to create and what to delay
Because, all this chaos must stop abrupt
And that should be enough for me today

Now the Mother had two balls, one of great girth
And a smaller one. She wanted to get rid of both soon
So, the larger, she kicked into light and called it earth
The smaller, she flicked with a thumb and called it moon
Then the smaller spun round the earth on it's merry way
"That's it for me" said she, "I think I'll call it another day"

The next day, she made trees an' bees, rats an' gnats
Whales an' snails, frogs an' dogs, cats and bats
Snakes an' lakes, then flying birds an' bison herds
And ants an' plants to feed on all the different turds
Some snow flakes an' earth quakes; then rain drops
That would water all her new and budding crops

And every day the Mother worked to make what we see
Thus it went, until she decided to create you and me

Now, for an Ecclesiastical argument
Let us talk of the creation of man once more
This will most likely be somewhat different
From anything that you have heard before
But, I believe that the Mother made woman first!
You see, she needed a manager to get things done
Because the garden of Eden had to be nursed
This sort of venture can't be neglected once begun

So, she grabbed some mud to start the mould
And shaped two nostrils, two ears and two eyes
Two hands and feet and two boobs just the right size
With deep love she gradually saw her creation unfold
Two tonsils, lungs and kidneys, all part of a morphosis
Then the Boss finished her up with two anal orifices

And behold, woman—there she stood!
The Mother was sure that it was good

But alas, woman was unhappy with this arrangement
"Twice as much to scratch when pestered by the gnats
Thus, two anal orifices are a considerable derangement
And messy when in use, because of the extra scats
So much more to clean; it throws off my natural poise"
The Mother listened, while woman pursued her fetter
"And plus…well, I won't mention all the extra noise!
Thus, I am sure that one anal orifice would be better"

Also I am lonely, with no one in my life
I need someone to share my burden
Someone to protect me from harm and strife
A shoulder to lay my head upon elsewhen
I need some support or a comforting caress
Someone to share a sunset's tender moment
Why not take one orifice, that already is a mess
I assure you, I want no indefinite postponement
You can make something like it…more or less
Please take the noise too, if you could
This most certainly would be good

And Mother in her kindness, put woman fast sleep,
She removed one anal orifice and started in to work
Created a brain within a hollow that was once deep
Then worked down from there with twist and quirk
Thus, she created man, a masterpiece of bio-engineering
Massive chest and biceps, with a sensitive semi-dildo
That operated independently from any brain's interfering
Surely this creation could never become a coach potato
She stepped back and admired his angelic face all aglow

And yes, she beheld man—where he stood!
The Mother was sure that this was good

And Woman then awoke to see what had been made
There stood man before her, comatose with a smiling head
"This is all you could do? " Quipped Woman quite dismayed
"Look at what I started with! " Indignant, the Mother said
"Well is it really practical? " Continued Woman irritated
"Can't those things can get hooked upon a broken bough"
"I thought you might like them." The Mother elaborated
"They are very different from what you have right now"

"That thing is much too floppy" she continued to complain
But, our Mother replied, beaming with effervescent pride
"That's my surprise. It works independent from the brain"
It might be the very thing you really want" she implied
"Watch what happens when it see's you in the garden
I assure you, it most certainly will start to harden"
Then man awoke and saw woman where she stood
And Woman did enjoy him; It was very, very good

But ever since, Woman has been plagued forever and a day
By unnecessary assholes that plague her in every way
Assholes, which from each end—noise blatantly blares!
While they remain sound asleep contented in their chairs

And now it's understood
It is not so very good!


Jim McGill, March 17,2023