Russell Crow

Silver Star - 3,161 Points (May 25th,1995)

Footnote - Poem by Russell Crow

I order an audience, I command an audience
but it's a shallow demand
so all I ask is for just one
only one person come to me please
hear me out
erase my loneliness even if only for a brief instance
but just spare the laughter of hearing my distant theories
I have dreams
dreams that stretch beyond the ocean origins
dreams as tall as mountains, deeper than any chasm
though in some freak twist of intuition
I don't believe myself to reach any of them
Not because of lack of trying nor fierce determination
only for the fact of who I am
I don't know who I am
I blame the world
I pin it on being 20 and young
I put it upon anything I could place my finger
for all the answers I could devise
are all fleeting
a flutter of birds in pure imagination
a search party for a lineage I'm unsure even exists
Could it possible in this realm of possibility
I could be a descendant of a demi-god
given my methods, my reasons, my actions
could it be possible to be the fallen offspring of a demi-god
the fallen offspring of the god of calamity and misfortune
the fallen offspring of forgiveness and love
Aphrodite's unfortunate bittersweet son
or is this really my fate
to never have a home, to just keep roaming
keep starting over, keep keep keep
Who in the world am I
I don't know
a dreamer I'm sure
I honestly want to fly, grow wings of jealousy and fly with the ravens and crows
I want to be any sort of famous
only to have that moment when someone can point me out of a crowd
call me by name
know me for me: all my faults, my values, all of me
I want to fall in love for years and years
till I have no love to give
I want to stand on a rooftop
and shout to the heavens on the best day of my life
a thank you and a declaration that I'm finally alive
I want to break this cycle of loneliness
break this lone wolf mentality
I've been alone for long enough
cause I'm sick of filling the empty spaces with lyrics
and the sound of my own voice
I want to reunite for even just one night with my dearest Sorceress
for closure, for wonder, to rid myself of the anxiety
i want none of my friends to leave me again
for none of my dearest friends to die on me again
I want to live forever
more than anything I want to live forever
to know what it feels like to be immortal
since for 20 years I've only known what it feels like to die
look at my track record
By force, I've been a nomad
manipulated, taken away, returned
I've been a label, a package, a footnote
while trying to be a poster
I don't know, I don't know what to do anymore
and it's not lost on me I'm repetitive
rewriting the same inspired lines to make sure you're listening
make sure you're paying attention
my imaginary friends
And it's donned on me that my entries are like diaries
the boyish version of a female's work of art
but I have the mind of a girl in the body of boy
so how does that work
That's how it has to be I guess
I'm out of answers, out of luck, out of everything
and looks like I'm out of ears
since I'm the only one left on the stage
Well I've always been proficient at inadvertently
being at fault
being the cause, the source, the reason why people leave me
freaking perfect
freaking great
freaking swell
Aphrodite, mother
answer me please
why am I this way
Aphrodite, mother please
why let me know love
if I grow continuously listless in the search of it

Topic(s) of this poem: dreams, love, rant

Form: Prose Poem

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Poem Submitted: Sunday, September 6, 2015

Poem Edited: Sunday, September 6, 2015

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