I'm Fine Poem by Saumya xoxo

Are you okay? '
A question everyone asks

I want to be the one to control my life
But there it is again,
The monster that sits on my shoulder every day
Reminding me that I'm trying to walk on a trail of happiness
That I can't baptise myself in…
It won. Again.

Every day I feel like I'm drowning
But what's worse, is that I can see others breathe…
The feeling eats me alive from the inside gradually
Day by day
Making me empty.
And that emptiness weighs the most.

Its weight is like a burden that is making my happiness
be as hollow as a pinpricked egg.
A high fever that will break any second

I know it yet I try to be someone I'm not.
Someone who lives in fantasy to cauterise reality.
I try to be someone who has this fake confidence
that can conquer the world...
But my depression drags me back to my bed
Reminding me that I couldn't even save myself
I lost myself to the behemoth.

I walk on the edge of anxiety's ledge
On a rope of worry and I know I will fall.
My deadweight legs from the pills,
The dizziness from alcohol
Reminds me that I just need a knife
To end my life.

But in the end, my depression is what keeps me going,
The only thing that makes me want to hold on.
I'm in a war
A war that is against me
I either die fighting with it
Or I die knowing I have nothing to live for.

‘I'm fine.'
A lie I tell every time.

- Saumya <3