M. Naleli J. ...
Life After Love Musings - Poem by M. Naleli J. ...
A little salty these days;
I find I devour my grapefruit earlier than most mornings for a little bit of sweetness.
A little keyed up lately;
It is the post heart-break coarseness in the eyes and throat,
And the jittery walk about town as though my body is getting used to itself.
In a bind these days;
Disillusionment came too late,
And now to this sluggish rise after a very hard fall then.
As I stammer and stagger;
I find I struggle to see myself,
What more picking all of the pieces I'm in off the ground and puzzling up out of them a sensible whole?
Need to consult with mother lately;
I find my grief a thing mothers should warn children about,
And she sent me off with “remember to say your prayers' she did;
Well mother, how about that then?
The precious things lost along the way: friends, zest and love
How shall I rebuild?
And I find I have prayed,
And prayed and prayed and prayed but my heart aches.
And I now know a few small things:
A heart might break but it will continue beating,
A person may feel dead but continue breathing,
And He’ll fix the numbness incessantly but keep failing,
Things here, a hobby there and fruitless endeavours everywhere to dim the wailing,
He will not feel like himself but continue to live.
And life after love comes with its own little set of symptoms;
The patient will replay thoughts of past events over and over in his head,
An actor in his own disaster searching for a solution to a problem well passed,
He might even hate himself for his haste, recounting a time that now feels like a waste, wondering constantly if he gave it his best fight only to uncover the truths that bite.
It resembles insanity.
And comparable to a deep dive into a cold unknown,
A dive which the body never resurfaces to regain breath,
And so it sinks- and sinks and sinks and sinks,
Until he finally stops wiggling,
Until he realizes all the flapping accelerates his descent,
Until he learns that to give in is unlike to give up,
Giving in makes him weightless and it sheds the awful load,
As soon as he yields he will rise quickly for another gulp of breath,
And each breath is a surge of life gained, and now he is willed to live and love again.
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