I Survived You Poem by Boledi R Petja

I Survived You

I finally gathered the courage to face what I had been trying to explain away. You were a man who hid your narcissism behind charm and selective kindness. You wanted to appear humble, reasonable, misunderstood, but beneath that surface lived an ego that fed on control and wanted women to feel like they were lucky just to be chosen by you. You treated women like objects that could be picked up, put down, or replaced whenever it satisfied your pride.

You made me believe that other women were always the problem. You painted them as dramatic, clingy, disloyal, or difficult. You used their stories to shape the way I saw you and to make me feel privileged for being "different" in your eyes. It was a tactic and I did not see it at first. It was how you kept me feeling grateful for bare minimum effort and grateful for crumbs disguised as affection.

I kept mistaking my tolerance for strength. You treated it like an opening. Every time I gave you grace, you stole a little more respect away from me. Slowly, quietly, you stopped trying. You got comfortable in a way that made my presence feel like something you owned instead of something you should earn. I became the woman you saw when it was convenient, the one you called when you needed attention, comfort, or validation. I became your emotional service without realizing it. I made myself available and you used that availability to benefit yourself while giving me almost nothing in return.

I kept showing up. I kept giving. I kept hoping you would rise to meet the effort I poured into us. Instead, you lowered yourself even further because you assumed I would never leave. You assumed I needed you too much to walk away.

Then something in me finally woke up. I raised my discomfort and when you brushed it off, I saw how empty your care truly was. I stopped being overly available. I stopped explaining my pain to a man who only listened when it served him. I stopped trying to convince you that I deserved respect. I stopped shrinking myself to fit the vision you had of a woman who would never challenge you.

Letting you go was not easy. Walking away from someone who manipulates your guilt and twists your reality is never simple. But staying would have broken me even more.

So I chose myself. I blocked you and you blocked me and now we exist in separate corners of silence. You are left with no one to drain and I am left with the space I needed to heal. No messages to manipulate my emotions. No sudden attention to pull me back. No false apologies. No triggers.

Just peace. Quiet. Distance.

I am rebuilding myself without the weight of your ego pressing on my worth. I am reclaiming the pieces of me I gave away for free. And even though it hurts at times, the pain is clean and honest and nothing like the confusion you wrapped me in.

I survived you. And surviving you means I will never again lose myself to someone who only knows how to take.